28-02-22
The feeling of someone being gone―it shocked at first, subsided later when rationality was regained, and for many years, it would at random times hit you all over again. Death in dreams may be about how you put things to an end. Death, in reality, often implies a new beginning of your life coming from the disappearance of someone that you love. There is nothing stranger than memories. When I passed the street where my parents used to live years ago in Wan Chai, I asked myself, “Awwww, were they really there before?” I am now a clean sheet of paper picturing my own world without them…The shop of Cosmos Books has been in Wan Chai for many years too.
I met Mr. Chan Chung Ling(陳松齡) in 1996 with my celebrity chum Eileen Cha(查小欣). We met in Wan Chai. Eileen and I wanted to co-write the first legal fiction The Respondent(被告：香豌豆) in Hong Kong, following the success of John Grisham for his popular legal thrillers in America. His great book The Firm inspired us.
Master Chan, being the senior guru commanding authority and charisma in the publication business of Hong Kong, was born in March 1936 and raised in Macau. He came with his wife bravely to Hong Kong in 1958 to look for a new chapter. Everyone is admirably the hero of his own life story: he worked as an assistant in a publisher, then headed a magazine and in 1976, took over and ran the genial ‘locally-Hong Kong’ bookstore called Cosmos Books(天地圖書) with other partners. He told me confidently, “We must make books that are interesting to read. A great book attracts readers by its cover, grabs them on the first page and its contents ensure that they will reach the end of the book. It is the most attaining form of culture to use local stories, materials and viewpoints in a book. In that way, we do add to Hong Kong culture. By doing it the other way without a Hong Kong touch, we will look like imitating or using a foreign language to communicate.”
Having been the author for Cosmos Books for more than 25 years, I was spoilt by Master Chan aiming too little at me. I was a loser and just released 11 books that could not work. As a result of travelling down an unconventional career path, the role of a ‘slashie’ tore my life in half. From 9 to 9, I was busy wrestling with my paperwork as a lawyer. I got only 2 hours at night to write every day but something else always came up to me eating away my residual time. Master Chan tried to comfort me, “To improve is to write more. Being a top-grade writer is a simple exercise of having a lot of books published and sold! But, I know your tough circumstances. Whenever and whatever, your home is here!”
I galloped through my wordsmith work on and off for about 15 years and eventually gave up in 2010s in order to contain my hectic situation. The gap years however let me feel what a great mentor Master Chan was. He accepted me as a lazy and imperfect writer. He still kept in touch with me warmly by nice meals for two and later for seven including his wife, daughter Terri, son-in-law and 2 grandsons Henry and Gordon. When it came to delightful dim sum, he was totally a ‘basket case’. There was no business deal between Chan family and me. Our sincerest friendship was perhaps just to talk nonsense and to have my nonsense amused.
Living a life of honor, humility and respect, Master Chan never talked to anyone not in a gentleman’s manner. He moved with the grace of the typical culturati. He persuaded but did not compel. He smiled instead of chatter.
About 7 years ago, I felt the strain of an itch―I wanted to write and publish my writings again. Master Chan kindly laughed, “This time, be persistent! No writer started out writing good things. It takes much bad writing to get to a little good stuff. You slowly get better at it when you can write what you are passionate about, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make you famous. As long as writers exist in Hong Kong, poverty exists. You write because you want to express yourself and do treasure the appreciation from others as your wonderful reward.” He and his advice were always encouraging during my hard times.
It came as a heartbreaking shock to me that Master Chan passed away at the age of 85 by the claim of cancer in January 2022. Terri and Henry sent a mobile message to me confirming our publication hero left them serenely in the cold winter. I then realized the reason why my request for a gathering with Chan family was turned down again and again without a good reason. Master Chan was in hospital. His wish was to depart from the world so peacefully that it would not create the slightest disturbance to others. He was pleased to make sure his family members would appear calm despite the loss.
At the funeral in North Point, Terri asked softly, “Are you ready for a private viewing?” I was hanging back, “No, thank you!” I insisted on supposing Master Chan were still alive and just set out on an excursion to Macau.
It was late on a rainy day as I sat by the window taking a cup of black coffee in Starbucks. I saw unexpectedly an old gentleman strolling down the dusty lane near Master Chan Chung Ling’s bookstore in Wan Chai area where I used to live when I was a boy. I rolled my eyes and waved a hand. The man did not look back and was holding a book with both hands. Life is full of goodbyes. How lucky I am able to cherish a dream for my loved boss which is an anticipatory excitement that I would see him again, somewhere and somehow…
Let me use Master Chan’s favorite music Cinema Paradiso to say goodbye to him.
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