18-09-20
“As I appear on the stage and start to pour my effective vocabulary and punches into the audience, the good show begins,” said English Tang (鄧英敏), one of the most celebrated masters of ceremonies in Hong Kong. He continued, “Speaking well requires skill and an eye for detail. It is composed of 4 elements: substance, reasonableness, orderliness and vividness. If your words do not live up to any good substance, they will be dismissed as poppycock! The points expressed must be reasonable. When they are not, nobody would place any faith in what you said. Controlling a conversation properly is also important and so you need a list of orderly points to be presented. Somewhere, things must be attractive and vivid while you convey in words. There are no un-interesting things, only un-interesting people.”
Tang, after graduating from high school, worked in Hong Kong Television Broadcast as an actor in 1974. He said, “I did not act too well at that time but I was very well-spoken, smart and funny. Both my boss and tutor told me I should be a master of ceremonies. I listened to them and became the host of TV shows. That changed my life. Now, I am an old broom which still sweeps clean. Its incredible! I have been doing the job for more than 40 years.”
I asked, “I know you wrote books on the art of using language with fluency and aptness. I wonder if you could provide some practical tips for us in our day-to-day life?” English was very ready, “Firstly, let me tell you what to do in a workplace. Always be sweet but not too sweet. You have to talk warmly, supportively and responsibly. Responsibly means being honest and helpful. The truth may sometimes disturb your superior or colleague but you still have to communicate sincerely. In the long run, you may not gain their full liking but surely their respect and trust.”
I looked into more, “How about at home?” English chortled, “Getting along with family members and handling relatives do not need a good speech. One should convert his speech ideas into caring behaviours. Let them feel that you are always ‘staying-in-the-loop’, ‘ready-to-talk’ and ‘willing-to-help’. My mother-in-law is in her 90s. She used to live in Kowloon City with a domestic helper. I did not really talk to her on a daily basis. She recently fell sick and I immediately invited her to live with our family. She has limited mobility and I push her in a wheelchair to catch some rays in the balcony. She did not utter a word of strong affection but simply shows a smile of appreciation of kindness.”
I was amazed, “How do you talk well to friends?” English paused a while, “There are 2 types of friends: friends and business friends. Someone suggested this: a friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. Pure friendship is for fun and not for any ulterior motive. If you make friends for a concealed reason like monetary exploitation, you will be a traitor. Be easy with friends. You talk as much or as little as they want you to. You should not discuss religion, politics or personal life unless your friend is totally comfortable. When you talk to someone and the conversation often dies down, it may imply you are not cheerful enough. For business friends, the gist is not sweet talk but sincerely helping each other.”
True eloquence consists of saying all that should be said will be effectively said, without irrelevance or long-windedness. Do not be afraid to lose a friend if your talking does not work. Some ‘friends’ will forgive your clumsy style and accept you provided that you fit their expectations. The great meaning of conversation is communication and not communality—it is sometimes wonderful to shut yourself down and stop talking to anyone for days, at least not talking just to please a friend or secure a relationship.
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